


A Talk with Master Dooku

by Sue_Clover



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Awkwardness, Dooku gives "The Talk", Dooku is a good teacher, Family, Qui-Gon is mortified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sue_Clover/pseuds/Sue_Clover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dooku is a master of subtlety when it comes to politics and manipulation of people. But when it comes to his new padawan, who is rather young to grasp such things, he tries to always be forthright and direct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Talk with Master Dooku

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KeeperofSeeds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeeperofSeeds/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hearts Entwined [or: Temple interactions observed by Qui Gon Jinn]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7425949) by [KeeperofSeeds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeeperofSeeds/pseuds/KeeperofSeeds). 



> Inspired by a line from Hearts Entwined, by KeeperofSeeds: "His own Master had always been forthright and direct in their conversations. Awkward topics were navigated quickly in this manner." And an offhand comment by them: "& for some parting lulz: imagine Dooku giving Qui Gon The Sex Talk. :P"

"What do you know about sex, Padawan?" Dooku asked casually as he chopped green pepper for their stew.

Qui-Gon, standing a few feet away and chopping onions, coughed, his eyes streaming.

"Padawan? Are you alright?" The master's voice was polite, as ever, but Qui-Gon could see him not-smiling under his beard.

"Yes, Master," he got out. "I, um. Well..."

"Cease this gibbering, Qui-Gon, and speak in full sentences. You will never make a diplomat if you hem and haw like an initiate."

"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon said again, trying not to feel like he was repeating himself. "I know that... sex, is something people do, um, frequently. It is the main method for reproduction among most humanoid species."

Master Dooku gave his pupil a look and a raised eyebrow, not even pausing the movement of his knife, which Qui-Gon knew to mean, _Go on_.

He took a breath to gather his thoughts and attempt to control his blush, but the onion was making his eyes water and his nasal cavities burn, so it didn't help much. "It generally involves certain, ah, parts, of the body, such as the male penis," he pushed through his embarrassment, trying to get to the end, "and the female, um - I don't actually remember what it's called? It's an opening in between the two others, which are for expelling waste, and the most common act of sex involves pushing the penis into and out of this opening to create friction." Qui-Gon blew out a breath in relief and focused intensely on making sure his cuts were close and even.

"Hm. Not bad, for a thirteen-year-old, I suppose," Dooku said.

Qui-Gon said nothing to this dubious praise, and prayed to the Force they were done.

"Sex is an intimate act between two - or more - people, most commonly among pairs of opposite genders, but also quite often among same-sex pairings, or larger groups of varied composition. You were correct in that it usually involves the penis, but I would have expected you to know that the female organ most directly involved in sexual intercourse is called the vagina, since you do have a friend who has one."

Qui-Gon could feel his cheeks burning, along with his eyes, but Dooku was not done quite yet.

Dooku dumped his finely diced pepper into the stew they were making, turned to see Qui-Gon only half done with his onion, and with a roll of his eyes moved to take over, leaving Qui-Gon with nothing to do with his hands. "The goal, of sorts, is usually to stimulate the most sensitive areas of the body, such as the penis for a male, the clitoris for a female, as well as other areas, to a point of extreme pleasure, until a threshold is reached where an orgasm occurs, an intense wave of sensation sweeps through the body, often accompanied by muscle spasms. At this point, the male ejaculates, squirting semen out of his penis, a substance which contains sperm. In reproduction, the semen enters the vagina, and the sperm swims up the cervix to the uterus, where there is egg waiting to be fertilized. A single sperm will join with the egg, and the two will form a zygote, which then grows into a fetus, and then a baby. Are you following, Padawan?” Here he looked at Qui-Gon, having already finished the onion, while putting the pieces into the stew.

“Yes, Master.” In fact, the lecture was starting to become vaguely familiar, like something he had heard in a biology course at some point, though he couldn’t remember much more than that.

“Good. Now that you have the basic facts down, we shall talk about protocol, safety, and etiquette for sexual encounters.”

Qui-Gon barely stifled his groan. And so for the next 20 minutes as they finished preparing dinner, Dooku took him through various types of sexual acts, safe ways to do them, the importance of proper consent, and even the rituals for inviting and initiating trysts in several different cultures. Qui-Gon eventually got over his embarrassment enough to realize that this was important information he would probably someday like to know, and paid close attention. He even asked a few questions, which his Master answered as matter-of-factly as he had approached the entire topic.

By the time supper was ready, The Talk was over, and conversation turned to the institutions people on various planets had in place to facilitate the raising of children, and how this differed from how the Temple raised its crechelings, and from there to Qui-Gon’s current classes.

Qui-Gon completely forgot his earlier embarrassment, until the next day when he ran into his friend Tahl, and she scolded him for not knowing what a vagina was called. And then proceeded to give him a lecture on humanoid female reproductive organs and menstrual cycles.


End file.
